Before I Wake

Tomorrow I go under the knife for the third time in exactly as many years to repair an umbilical hernia. This time, instead of going in through small holes on either side of my belly they are slicing me up the middle. Doesn't sound like it will be much fun from my perspective, but what can I do?

The whole Terri Schiavo thing has got me thinking, as I'm sure it has done for just about everyone around the world. So I thought I'd explain what my wishes are here in writing if I should die before I wake from the operation. I know it's not a huge operation, but you hear stories of complications and problems for even smaller operations then I am about to undergo, so it's better safe then sorry.

If you've been following my writings on the Terri Shiavo case, you know that I was in favor of allowing her parents to care for her. Mainly this was based on the fact that Terri had not made her wishes known in a matter that could not be contested. In addition, to us common folk it seemed she did have the ability to recognize folks in the room with her, and all that other stuff I don't wish to rehash here in this article.

So you may now be puzzled to know that I give complete control over whether the proverbial “plug” is pulled on me to my wife. There, I said it so there should be no argument from anyone. I give my wife further guidance to pull said plug if I am truly a vegetable and being kept alive by artificial means. Notice this is not just being kept alive artificially, but the two points together (vegetative state, and artificial support). After all, people with a pacemaker are being kept alive by artificial means as well. Just felt I should clarify that should my wife get a little too eager.

I have no desire for my wife and kids to visit me in the hospital for years on end to watch me drool on myself. In addition, it makes no sense to pay good money to keep a body alive when the mind has already checked out.

Those who know me, or read my articles here frequently, know that I am not a religious man. Don't feel bad for me, I'm perfectly fine with that decision, just as I am fine with you believing how you wish. The point is, I feel that when you're dead, you're dead. Although after I'm gone it would be nice to make an appearance on “Crossing Over with John Edward” or “Ghost Hunters”.

When I am finally gone I prefer to be cremated much to the frustration of my mother. I think cremation is the best way for us to dispose of our physical bodies. Why have tons of land devoted to the storage of dead people? Where do I want my ashes? I originally wanted them sent into space since that has always been a dream of mine. Now I think putting them into space as more space junk is a bad idea. Why pollute space even more?

My ashes should not be stored in an urn so that they become some strange thing that people aren't too sure what to do with, but they should be sprinkled in the ocean to return me to the beginning of all life on this planet. In this way I can add to the nutrition of this planet and hopefully do good as my final act.

Should people wear black and mourn me in some sullen fashion? Heck no! I want everyone to get together, wear bright colors, and play some upbeat music while having a good time. I enjoy life and like to have fun. I'm at my happiest when others are having fun with me. This tradition of gathering in a tiny room and crying over the loss of our loved ones is depressing. If I die today I have lived a great life, and I will die happy. Remember me for the happy out-going person I am, don't ruin my death with depression and crying.

One of the reasons I write these articles on my website is to leave behind a part of who I am and to share what is going through my mind. As scary as that sounds, it's a way to make my mark on the world regardless if anyone cares to read them or not. I'm not writing these articles for you, I'm writing them for me. If along the way you find some words that move you to think on your own about the subjects I choose, then all the better.

So in the words of the main character in the movie “The Truman Show”, “If I don't see you, good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight.”