The Pirates of the Caribbean - Lost Tales

The problem is not the problem...

Noise?

Clattering, banging, yelling, noise...

"What's all the hubbub and squawking?"

Captain Jack Sparrow's eyes began to come into focus as he realized he was in his quarters, and still a bit groggy.

Jack half rolled, half fell, off his bunk, hitting the floor with a thud.

Squinting, he crawled to his door and hung on the handle as he climbed to his feet.

Unlatching the door, and preparing his stature of that befitting a captain, he was about to step through the portal when he saw he was missing a boot.

Ah yes, he managed to remove only one the night before as he fell into bed.

Jack looked around his quarters and saw his boot ended up on the top of an empty bottle.

He crossed the room in a zigzag movement, yet the ship seemed perfectly still.

Captain Sparrow peered toward the door hearing more arguing and ranting...

Once the boot had been pulled into position, he made his way back to the door and threw it open.

On deck there was shoving, yelling, and what appeared to be the beginnings of an all out brawl, when the door from the captains quarters slammed against the wall.

The crew grew quiet as their leader stepped forward, trying to adjust to the bright sun.

"Gibbs!" he barked, and coming from right next to him was a familiar voice.

"Here sir!" First office Gibbs was just about to intervene in the situation on deck, but now that the captain had been roused, he took his direction from him.

"What is interrupting my slumber?" The crew eyed their captain, but none of them dared make a comment.  The first officer had known Jack for a long while, so he ventured the question.

"Slumber sir?" Gibbs looked to the sun high in the sky.

"It's past mid-day."

"Right you are Mr. Gibbs. I almost forgot, where's my rum?" Almost before he finished his statement a bottle showed up in his right hand.

Jack looked at the bottle surprised, looked at the crew member, then took a deep swig of the rejuvenating liquid.

"Now what is going on here?"

Gibbs began the explanation when one of the crew members interrupted...

"Bilge Rat Mike used the last of the fresh water supply to pour on his head!"

The captain glanced at Bilge Rat, then back to the crew.

"Have you smelled him lately? He did us all a favor." Jack smiled at his clever comment.

The crew member was undeterred.

"The problem is not that Bilge Rat smells, that's not much of a secret!  The problem is that we now have no fresh water!"

Captain Jack pondered that for a moment, but only briefly.

"The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem. Do you understand?"

The crew looked confused.

Jack could see the crew was lost. In order to have a crew that will blindly follow you in whatever crazy adventure you undertake, they had to be a little slow.

"Mr. Gibbs!" Jack bellowed, even though his first was still standing next to him.

"Aye Sir" Gibbs rapidly responded.

The captain continued.

"If we're out of fresh water, and it appears that we are, what is the prudent course of action?"

The first office stared at the deck for a brief moment then spoke.

"We acquire more sir!"

The crew still looked a bit vacant.

Captain Sparrow decided to use this as a teaching moment.

"You see men, throughout our lives, no matter the circumstance, we will always run into problems. Some small, some large, but problems will always arise.

"Getting all fussy about the problem won't do anyone any good. Mr. Gibbs is my first officer because he does not react angrily when confronted with a situation. He thinks about it and figures out a solution."

Jack turned to Mr. Gibbs and smiled, pleased with himself for choosing such a great first officer and friend.

"Let's not put this on Mr. Gibbs, however, I want you men to come up with a remedy for our current predicament."

The crew looked puzzled once more, so Jack reworded his statement.

"I want you men to tell me how we can get more fresh water."

Understanding came across some faces of the crew. There may be no hope for several of them.

Lefty yelled from the back. "From a lake!"

He seemed very proud of himself, and the crew all agreed.

Captain Jack decided to take it a bit further.

"And do we have a lake?"

The faces of the crew once again went blank.

"Mr. Gibbs, help them out."

The first office perked up.

"Sir, we need to put into land where a source of fresh water can be found."

The captain nodded in agreement.

"And where might that be Mr. Gibbs?"

Gibbs thought for a moment.

"We're near Pelegostos Island"

One of the crew, who still appeared to have at least one oar in the water, yelled, "That's where the headhunters are!"

Captain Sparrow waved a finger in the air and said, "Ah ah ah... Is this another problem?"

"It's a big problem!" another crewmen exclaimed.

Leading them on Jack continued. "And is the problem the problem?"

The crew fell silent.

After what seemed like an eternity, one of them finally said, "We need to have a good attitude about this problem."

Jack smiled and pointed to the crewman, "Exactly!"

"So, approaching this problem with a good attitude, what are our options for dealing with this?"

Mr. Gibbs was getting bored of the teaching game his captain was playing with the crew.

"If I may sir, we can land on the beach near the waterfall in the cover of night. We'll be able to fill our barrels and get back to the ship before they even knew we were there."

"Excellent Mr. Gibbs! Now you see men, with level heads there is no problem we can't solve.  Once you get all yelly about a problem you can't think clearly."

The captain pulled his compass from his pocket, gave it a glance, then looked to his first officer.

"Set a course Mr. Gibbs. Pelegostos Island for resupply."

He then glanced at the crew.

"And you all can take a lead from Bilge Rat Mike and stand under the falls for a bit once we get there.  You're all getting a bit ripe."

[Author's note: This story was written because I had found out the quote I had used in my previous article, and is attributed all over the Internet, was not an actual quote that Captain Jack Sparrow had said.  This was a problem.

So I took the advice of the quote and decided the problem wasn't the problem, it was everyone's attitude about the problem. So I calmly fixed the problem.

This story can be said that it was the time you all almost misquoted Captain Jack Sparrow!]

Hope you enjoyed the story.

- Rick