Sunday, August 03, 2008

Psychic Reflections

Certainly I'm not unique.

In spite of my self-proclaimed open-mindedness, I have come to the realization that I have been plodding along through life with blinders on. It's not that after 19 years of marriage I am depressed about being separated from my wife. In fact, the opposite feeling. There is a sense of freedom and release.

One of my traits I have always thought of as being strong, is the ability t get along with anyone. At work, or in my personal life, not much really bothers me. I believe this is actually a negative thing now.

It feels like instead of getting along with people, I am just a doormat. Now that I have control of my own castle once again, I'm enjoying the freedom and finding myself wanting to get things done such as cleaning out the garage, and going through all of the crap that has been in boxes for the six years we have lived here.

During my marriage I have claimed a tiny spot in the house where I could be me, and let my wife have the run of the rest of the house. My thinking was that I really don't care about that sort of thing, so why not let her do what she wants. This may have unknowingly been our undoing.

Because I relinquished all of my power and control to my wife, I didn't realize that this also diminished my desire to even want to do anything around the house. Now that the house is mine, and mine alone, the drive is slowly returning because the end result will be my responsibility now.

When you have been a part of a team for so long, and that team suddenly breaks apart, the invisible dynamics begin to show themselves. I know my wife is having to adjust to life on her own as well, and is probably realizing the same things, although on the flip-side.

This time apart will help us each to grow in our personal lives, but I'm not sure that it will lead to repairing our current situation. At this time, unless something drastic happens, I believe that ship has sailed.

If you're in a marriage, and having problems, take a step outside your comfort zone, outside the box you have created for yourself, and try to view things like you have never viewed them before. Have you lost your identity because of your marriage? Are you letting yourself be walked on, or taken advantage of? If so, you need to find yourself again. Become a more active part of your relationship.

When I hear women talk about men, one phrase seems to come up frequently. "Well, he should just know what I want."

Ladies, let me tell you straight up. Men are clueless as to what you want. Despite what you see when you watch romantic comedies, soap operas or read in any of the women's magazines, men are not psychic. No, really, we're not. We have no idea what you want, and will NEVER know unless you tell us.

When you want to tell your man what you want, don't be clever, and subtle either. Take out a 2x4 and beat us over the head with it! If you want jewelry, tell your man that nothing on the planet makes you happy like jewelry does, and the more expensive the better! If you're more of a flower girl, then let your man know how much you love to receive flowers from him, and what kinds make you the most happy.

Once this point has been driven home, you're not through. Men have short attention spans, so you're going to have to remind him over, and over, and over again what makes you happy. I have a news flash for you, men will never do these things on their own no matter how much they love you. Oh sure every once in a while he'll do something special, but the less you remind him, the more he'll forget, and the longer it will be between the things you desire.

Constantly you hear that communication is the key to a good relationship, and it's true. It's not psychic communication, it's not memory, and it's certainly not patience. You have to speak to your man in slow, small, simple words. Then tell him again, and again. Yes, communication IS the key, but you have to actually communicate.

Time to quit bitching to your friends how you man doesn't do this or that for you, and start telling him what you need him to o for you.

After all, once you have made it blatantly clear what you need, and he still ignores you, then you'll feel better about dumping his worthless butt for a better model. ;)

If he listens to your needs, and gives you what you ask for, show him how much you care about what he has done for you, don't follow it up wit more demands. It's the little battles that will win the war, and never an uncompromising surrender of the enemy.

Good luck!

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